David

Save our skins
Will you be compassionately pseudo-disappointed or outright tickled at who you see and don't see seated at heavens eternal awards banquet? I am wearing a smile in and God knows I am really, really glad to see a chair for me. I was anxious to start counting the 144 thousand Jehovah-witnesses, make sure they max their seats out or try sneak some extras in. I might make them stand in groups of 3 just to screw with their heads some more. Looks like they're going to make it and qualify for frequent flyer harps; although seems the witnesses have overbooked their seats a few several thousand. The blood-letting issue is the decider. To each their measure of blood, sweat, and love………the one that loves the lord renders thrice equally unselfish. Jehovah's didn't get that papal bull or the king James amendments?

 Somebody go down there and gather the bibles and translate together and see who has got what again. You know how in a good neighborhood; you let one bad seed in you have to kill them all; like David slaying, slewing and smiting philistines offering battlefield bris; off you go we do have certain standards you know. L ron has room for his destination. Protestant reformer Martin Luther didn't want the books of James in the bible. I want the works of Stephen and the establishment of the early church explored further outside the acts of the apostles. The book of Mary and in the old testament there are other stories of younger Daniel; and even more outrageous David stuff. What would you pay for a wife? There is a good story in Samuel about David. I have a sermon, from the file: you will never hear the preacher mention this story in mixed company.

C.S. Lewis's story was called; the lion, the witch, and the wardrobe. My southern Baptist redneck rooted one has David: "The king, The princess, and the Bag of two-Hun' nerd foreskins." after David dropped the best philistine commando, be headed him, earned the esteem of the faithful and returned the severed head to the king. If we can all turn to I Samuel 18:24-27. And 200 hundred bowlegged philistines laid slain with genitals mutilated. I love the smell of freshly severed skin in the morning, smells like nookie to me, David exclaimed to his second in command Jonathon; that's the one I want to talk to; the number two man. Wonder if David wore a goliath foreskin necklace for luck? I wonder how many foreskins for a camel? Philistines took your whole head; they didn't screw around with your pisser. How much for the Levi with the gold teeth on the silver pike mate? Eight heads in a duffle bag, Mustafa.

 In basketball the phillies and the Hebrews have the shirt and skins issue settled either way heads or headless. David wanted Michal the princess, mighty bad; daughter belonging to the cruel vengeful father soon to be in-law king from hell. Saul was sure the philistines would kill Davie retrieving his particular one-hundred foreskin bride price. Seems philistines protest mightily over the involuntary surrender of their penal covers. Forced to admit that David did indeed have Gods favor for to secure so many Turkish apricots unharmed. Saul ended up getting blinded by the rage after numerous failed assassination attempts on David and eventually fell on his long-knife; David refused to kill the king; said that's Gods business he said. Although, David did rip his skirt once, he was sorry.

 But David was all about………. no problem and went and got, not one-hundred but two-hundred fiercely defended foreskins with his posse. I might of said gimme two of your daughters king; two for Tuesday man, uh king dude, Jonathon wouldn't mind seeing his sister, again? Little dried up ringlets of darkened skin. Who had to count them out to the king? Did he put them in piles of ten? Make a necklace? What's with God and the special prepuces anyway? Qua passé? What? This is stuff I am going to find out in heaven. I wonder did they pickled the shrinkages in vinegar? Packed them in salt? Had the king a handsome market position on philistine foreskins? My guess if a princess was100; then one or two of the raison d'être was worth a common wife or two camels or a camel/wife. Ninety-nine out of a hundred men that tried camels preferred women and forty-five percent of those remaining sought hetero servants. What's the deal with that, did all of them have willing devoted servants with benefits, plus a family(ies)? How David come to acquire his second wife Abigail is almost as good as how he got his first. Go read Samuel, and see how many times he refers to man as "he that pisseth on the wall." Clearly sexist because nowhere does he say "she that splatterith in the dirt". If lots of foreskins are required to get an invitation to the awards banquet I am in deep, deep trouble. I am going to be out back and start practicing my sling shot release. I think I saw some philistines at the circle H truck-stop about 20 minutes ago. You know I want to go to the party if I am willing to put my wife and kids out for bait; when a philistine trucker from Palestine Texas breaks for them, bam and he drops. I cant get no one to put four foreskins on my debit-card, sure circle h offers philistine foreskins; but don't try and redeem one for a ticket to heaven; where have I heard that before? I know the Iranians have a hefty bounty on any expired Israeli pieces splattered about; encouraging the faithful the honor of destroying himself to kill a Jew; good luck with finding 72 virgins or foreskins, well in America anyway. Dude, while your in hell be sure and tell dr. Phil how blowing yourself up worked for you. No don't, doc will exploit your fatal fragmented condition further, just tell him to go to hell, see if that works for him. I say it's a push. I wonder where the Jews keep their foreskins? History has shown us we have run out of neither. If God likes them then so do I or does he? Tell me, tell me.

............kosmicdebris....................................................