True story

I have a story that I need to tell, I have never told anyone the whole thing. It is two stories actually. By the time I am finished you will see what I mean. They are very personal to me and for reasons unknown to me I have never chose to tell. Forgive all the mistakes, if I don't post this now I might not. I am posting this out of obedience. There is someone specific out there that I need to share this with.
This story begins when I was in nursing school. I was in my second year working my way through clinical rotations and my first assignment was working on the ob/gyn unit. Another of my assignments was to pick a patient during the semester and do an in depth case history. I don't mean a simple cursory assessment of nursing problems. The case history forms had thirty or forty pages of some very personal things I had to ask, things like on sexual history, at what age was your first menses, when did you become sexually active, how many partners have you had lots of stuff like that. This was really hard on me since it seemed I was more embarrassed asking then they would be telling me some of this stuff. The assignment had to be done if I was to pass the course that semester. After going through labor and delivery I was then assigned to work four weeks on the post-partum floor. This was going to be my only chance get my case history done. One day I was assigned to care for a young lady, twenty-four, that hadn't delivered yet…..she had lupus erythematosus, the lupus was in remission. Because of complications related to her condition the doctor confined her to strict bed rest in a dark room, no TV, limited visitors, special diet, during the third tri-mester of her pregnancy. They were going to do a c-section (when the baby became viable outside the womb) in about four weeks if all went well. After caring for her for a week or so she and I started developing a good report. I had met her husband as well and he didn't have a problem with a male nurse, he told me that students actually took better care of her than the regular nursing staff. So I ask her could I do my case history with her? Telling her I would have to ask some very invasive questions. No problem she said, she'd be glad to help me out. And so she did and after a week or so I was done with it. I put the history up ready to turn in the assignment at the end of the semester. Shortly after that I was assigned to labor and delivery to observe caesarian sections. This worked out great as I would be watching for her to come through. But I was going back, on my own time, to check on her, waiting for her delivery. I was strictly professional but we had developed an emotional bond that I cant explain. One day my group was gathered for post-conference; where we all discuss what we did, what we saw and such. From our conference room I could see down the hall that her room, her light was on, I asked my instructor about her, thinking she had her baby and was moved to another room and I had missed it. I was told she had went into labor spontaneously that night and the doctors couldn't stop it, she had delivered a healthy baby girl…………….and had died there in the delivery room. I was stunned for a minute and then the whole weight of it came crashing down on me. No, no this cant be true…. but it was true, she was just fine yesterday. My heart ached like it did when my mom died just a year earlier. I cried inconsolably. I left the conference room unexcused and thought about quitting right then and there, then I came back and told my instructor that I would not be turning my case history that semester and I would just take a zero; put me out if you want to I don't care. I went home and tore the history up. In the end I got an A for that paper I didn't turn in. After that I didn't get too close to any of my patients. When I decided to go into nursing I knew I would be taking care of sick people, I never thought about all the people dying so much. I guess the only death you can prepare for is your own (john 3:16). Twelve of the first twenty patients I took care of died. In order for nurses to give the best care for patients, make the right decisions for their wellbeing, they have to maintain a professional objectivity that sometimes comes off as cold and indifferent to others; if they didn't even more would die, emotions impair judgment. I didn't quit because I couldn't handle being a nurse intellectually but because of the emotional toll on me that I couldn't pay. After my patient died I was racked with guilt……did she die because I smuggled ice-cream sandwiches in to her? Was it because she liked the rain and I pushed her bed over to the window once so she could see out? Probably not, but caring too much is a detriment to being a good nurse. I realized I could be her friend or I could be her nurse, but I couldn't do both.
Fade to two years later.
The fair had come to fort smith and my two roommates and I, Larry and Darrel decided to go. ( yes we were the larry, larry and darrel from Arkansas) Went around saw everything, wasn't having much fun. We were about to leave when this girl, a very attractive girl, came up to me out of the blue and started talking to me. She told me she was there with a friend and they had split up and her friend was off doing something. Said she didn't feel comfortable by herself and ask if she could hang out with me. Being flirty I told her sure, you look like my fantasy girl, the one I had been dreaming about. I walked off with her just leaving my friends just standing there saying nothing to them. She seemed familiar to me, like I had met her before, but where? She told me her name was A,J. The more we talked as we walked I got this peaceful easy feeling with her, that totally disarmed me. I quizzed her about where could have met. She told me she worked as a waitress at Ed Walkers drive-in restaurant on Towson avenue. Maybe that's where I met her. About six months prior I lived around the corner from the place and used to go there once or twice a week. I thought I didn't remember her but she remembered me. That must be it and I let it go. Who cares, I had never believed in love at first sight yet here it was, five minutes with her and I was in love. Trying to play the macho man, I decided to win her a stuffed bear. No luck, all I could win was a whoopee cushion. How embarrassing…a twenty-dollar whoopee cushion. She suggested we go through the livestock barn. I thought that was strange, but I wasn't about to say I don't want to go see a bunch of smelly cows. We were walking through and I blew up the whoopee and just as another couple walked passed the prized bull I squeezed it….the biggest longest fart you ever heard. The other couple thought the bull did it. That was literally the funniest thing I had ever saw in my life. Both of us laughed so hard we were crying. Well, we looked around a found an empty stall we could use for concealment and played this prank on everyone that walked through. The peoples reactions were so hilarious we didn't want to quit. They made an announcement the fair was closing at midnight, in thirty minutes. We decided we need to go find our friends. I found my buddies at a game, the game had a wheel of fortune like wheel with different colors and round circles around the counter like thing. Put a quarter down on the right color the wheel stops on your color and you win a cheep t-shirt, bands, Harley shirts stuff like that. I decided to play, I ask her what color, she said it didn't matter. So I plopped down a quarter on white and lo and behold I won. I told her that she was my good luck, she said I didn't need luck and I knew she meant it in some weird way. I picked out a shirt that said "kill them all, let God sort them out", I offered the shirt to her, she held it out and said that one is true and handed it back to me and crossed herself like Catholics do, that's weird. She said she wouldn't ever ware it, that I should keep it and she wanted the whoopee cushion. About that time her friend showed up and it was time for us to leave. I asked her if she wanted to come to my place, no she said I have to be at work early in the morning and needed to rest up. I asked for her phone number, no phone at home. Can I call you at work? You can try, I work different hours sometimes she told me. This had been the most perfect night I ever had in my whole twenty-eight years and everything was so spontaneous. I was on cloud nine, ten and eleven. I was going to walk her to her car and found they were parked in the same lot across the street from where I had parked. We started walking toward our cars. When we got to midland avenue and I, without looking, stepped off the curb to cross the street right into the path of an on coming car. I looked up and a car was going to hit me, no way to get back to safety all of this was in slow motion to me, I thought I am dead. Milliseconds to instant death and all of the sudden I was yanked off my feet back on the sidewalk with superhuman strength. I was laying on the sidewalk, adrenaline pumping, embarrassed at what I had just done. I told my buddy Larry thanks for saving me else I was a goner. Don't thank me, thank her, he said she's the one that saved you; it happened so fast I didn't even see it. Oh she did? I got up thanking her for literally saving my life. She just played it off like it was no big deal. That calmness I felt with her replaced the adrenaline rush instantly. Well we walked on safely across to her car said our goodbyes, hugs only no kisses, I was a gentleman. I told her thanks again, told her I definitely wanted to see her again. Oh I am sure you will she said. By the way what does A.J. stand for? Just ask for Angelica they will know who you are talking about, what about the J? You figure that out by yourself.
The next morning I got up bright and early, I wanted to call her, yet I didn't want to come off too eager. I called her around nine that morning. Hello? Is AJ there? Anyone named AJ here, telephone for AJ, I overheard, couple minutes pass, there is no AJ here I was told. No…..the AJ that works there, Angelica, there is no AJ, no Angelica that works here. This ed walkers right? Sorry no one, Although we did have an Angie that worked here a couple years ago, but she left to start a family. Oh, I hung up stunned in utter disbelief. But I wasn't sad, somehow I knew I would see her again. I was unable to connect the dots at the time. I remember the episode so vividly, like it happened yesterday. I will leave the world to draw their own conclusions. Deep down in the innermost part of my soul I know I was touched by an angel, or AJ, or Angelica, or Angie, the name fits. My maternity patient that died two years before, her name was Angelica Judith but her husband always called her AJ. She had been a waitress. I never knew where she worked, I have a good idea, and I know I haven't seen the last of her. Angie's story is also one of the reasons why I have such strong feelings against abortion.
Psalm 34:7
 1 For David, when he changed his countenance before Achimelech, who dismissed him, and he went his way. 2 I will bless the Lord at all times, his praise shall be always in my mouth. 3 In the Lord shall my soul be praised: let the meek hear and rejoice. 4 O magnify the Lord with me; and let us extol his name together. 5 I sought the Lord, and he heard me; and he delivered me from all my troubles. 6 Come to him and be enlightened: and your faces shall not be confounded. 7 This poor man cried, and the Lord heard him: and saved him out of all his troubles. 8 The angel of the Lord shall encamp round about them that fear him: and shall deliver them. 9 O taste, and see that the Lord is sweet: blessed is the man that hopes in him. 10 Fear the Lord, all you his saints: for there is no want to them that fear him. 11 The rich have wanted, and have suffered hunger: but they that seek the Lord shall not be deprived of any good. 12 Come, children, hearken to me: I will teach you the fear of the Lord. 13 Who is the man that desires life: who lives to see good days? 14 Keep your tongue form evil, and your lips from speaking guile. 15 Turn away from evil and do good: seek after peace and pursue it. 16 The eyes of the Lord are upon the just: and his ears unto their prayers. 17 But the countenance of the Lord is against them that do evil things: to cut off the remembrance of them from the earth. 18 The just cried, and the Lord heard them: and delivered them out of all their troubles. 19 The Lord is near unto them that are of a contrite heart: and he will save the humble of spirit. 20 Many are the afflictions of the just; but out of them all will the Lord deliver them. 21 The Lord is near unto them that are of a contrite heart: and he will save the humble of spirit. 22 The death of the wicked is very evil: and they that hate the just shall be guilty. 23 The Lord will redeem the souls

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